Firstly, I have no direct affiliation with Anna Akana. I am featuring a number of her videos so I need to put that out there, our only connection is in my mind and her cat collection freaks me out but I think we would have awesome conversations over stuff… non Batman related stuff, that’d be a black hole into nothingness… but I feel like I am running away from topic here.
Own up to what you really can do. That’s today’s video.
Sometimes it is bloody hard to keep a grip on what you know is important because so many other things keep getting in the way, do you know the feeling? You set off roaring at the start of something and before you even get to the first bend, you lose all steam and it seems like everyone you left in the dust took over while you blinked… or as you stood holding your aching sides expelling what you think is a lot of effort?
What have I imaginarily (its a word in my head) held onto lately? That I am more productive than I actually am. And I come to the crushing realization that I am not in fact an organising machine even though I tout myself to be (in my head).
When it comes to the work I am paid to do, you bet your kushy toushies that I will be on top of everything! What I need to know is rarely more than 10 minutes away and if it is, then I was probably the wrong person to ask in the first place but when it comes to my personal stuff, I feel like I am losing a spark. I am Smeagol searching for My Precious and even though I know it was stolen I wont stop looking where I know I wont find it. Does that make sense?
This is my positive space so I will not mope or have a pity party (people I know in real life have that pleasure, weep for them). I believe once you realise that you are getting in the way of you not being your absolute best, your own fabulousness, you need to do something about it. And that’s it at the end of the day. You have to be the person that says, “Yeah… what I did back there? I know I said I would go full throttle but I didn’t really dig deep enough to even fire off a cylinder and I am going to do something about that now.” Whether that now is a day, a year or a decade later than when you intended on doing it, once you own up, put yourself in a position to actually claim your awesomeness!
And that’s the hard part, actually accepting that the person you want to be is who you can be. In my part of the world, maybe even in yours, as liberating as the idea of following your dreams and doing what you love is, you need to remember to “be responsible”. Your pay cheque means a lot more than your happiness because your pay cheque is going to help out a lot more people than your happiness will. And I don’t mean in a metaphorical, do good with a donation here and there kinda way, I mean you’re going to see a chunk of your salary going to some cause in the family that will help other people out, sometimes its people you don’t mind, like your parents or siblings, other times, its a cousin in a remote village that you never speak to but calls you to ask you to buy a phone and you cant remember if she even has electricity to charge the phone! In such moments, you cant help but lose sight of those lofty goals that could make you impoverished but happy because other people rely on you to stay where you are for them to be comfortable, and if you are like me, that pull at being needed is a pretty binding tug.
But how long can you sustain living for responsibilities you never asked for? People treat us how we allow them to treat us (and I know this is a deviation from the video but I am already so far ahead, where else am I gonna go?) and you need to decide when you want to stop making other people comfortable with and in your misery. Then, organisation will be your best friend. You need to plan how you will make yourself proud of you and that will be work, deep, “gouge your eyes out in frustration” work at times.
Get to the finish line you want to hit, but know that there is one heck of a climb between now and then, and part of that may mean alienating the same people keeping you where you are now, and when you think of it that way, maybe it isn’t so bad after all.
Over and Out!