Its Not Your Fault…the First Time



A while ago I came across this article My Boyfriend Raped Me  and that first line hit me in the gut. How many times have you been in a conversation with your girlfriends and they describe an encounter that makes your blood chill in your veins or makes it slow down so you can hear it in your ears? Or worse, how many times have you been in that situation yourself.

I worry about having daughters because there are phrases I hear my mother say that right now I would stab myself if I ever said them and yet fear that “time will teach me she was right”, but that’s another conversation for another day.

Right now, lets talk about justifying your dude’s behaviour, or worse justifying someone else’s behaviour. I am not sure where the theory that woman “make men” do things to them. I have no idea why a fella cant be accountable for actions HE has made based on feelings HE has. And it bloody well annoys me.

A friend once told me that she was in an argument with her dude (at the time) and he’s never been violent but on this one day he shoved her with enough force that she fell and may have hit her head on a cabinet but I cant say with full clarity on what part of her was injured but she was in some way. This is the most recent memory I have of the “heartbeat in my ears” response because right after that she said, it was her fault she fell because she wasn’t expecting the shove and was wearing heels so she wasn’t grounded. After all the expletives exploded (once blood flow was restored) in my head I tried to point out that that wasn’t really the point. Its the fact that he shoved her, saw her fall with enough force to hurt herself and walked away. She thought I was over reacting and he never did it afterwards so I obviously was worried for “nothing”.

This logic scares me. To the core. I have “opinions” on everyone carrying their own weight because when people don’t work for their worth they devalue things, maybe even themselves but mostly all the suckers around them who have to deal with the extra load.

When someone treats you like you aren’t worth “more” or “better” then that’s their fault but if they continue to treat you the same way more times then that’s yours. At some point their baggage becomes yours and that only happens when you allow it.

Don’t ever justify why someone treats you less than you deserve to be treated unless of course you believe you don’t deserve any better which really is more about you than them but know the difference and carry your own weight.

I’m supposed to end this with a question but I get this ache in my chest when I think of all the women to whom rape was justified. This is so awfully wrong I cant take it. You have laws that dictate women cant be raped by their husbands. THE FREAKIN’ LAW! , girls being kidnapped but militia and sold off as wives because they are the wrong religion or are offending another religion by being educated and somehow NOTHING seems to change. These women are obviously in different circumstances than you and I and most likely die when they object to the status quo, possible consequences include death so what’s your excuse for lugging around someone else’s s#@$?