The other day I was checking out some Kpop videos (which usually happens when I feel like I might strangle someone at work and my Xbox is too far to kill something). The bright colours and weird wiggles tickle me, anywho… There I am checking these videos out and then this odd gem comes my way: “Nice Body” by Hyomin.
Now… because I don’t want to be an ignoramus I try watch these videos with English subtitles (I don’t speak Korean) but I figured, there HAS to be a mistake because “what the frick?” but no… my (limited) search didn’t find any translation that changed the context of this video in any way at all!
Then I thought of this vid: “Yum Yum Yum” by Lip Service and I remember thinking “that’s a super fun catchy track and I am going to make my siblings ears bleed with it” but at no point did I have a negative response because I did not find it insulting or hurtful. Turns out though, that some people did (because they felt like it made fun of “fat Americans”) my response to it was simply, “girl… I am so with you! Dieting is the pits (even though I think my longest experience was doing the Atkins diet so I could eat more meat so I cant really feel your pain).” So I had to figure out why my response to “Nice Body” was “Hell nah!” and yet I had silly giggles to “Yum Yum Yum”.
One is an “I’m sexy and THAT is why you like me” and the other is kinda “It’s hard being a chick but we gotta laugh about it”. Obviously in my part of the world Hyomin’s body wouldn’t generally be considered sexy and that got me thinking about body shaming but I didn’t want to start a rant about how its easily we women hate on each other for being different (which would be pretty long coz we don’t even really need a reason), instead I wanted to find a way to turn my negativity into something positive. Like rainbows outta turd.
I didn’t really have to go far to do it too, so here’s my take. Thing with “I’m sexy and THAT is why you like me” messages is that they voice self acceptance, whether that feeling is honest in most cases is irrelevant. We’re all in a race for (and with) limited resources, be it that promotion at work or the dude who orders bran muffins from your favourite coffee shop. We want what is in little supply and we have to use what we have to get it but we have to own what got.
I know I am kind of skirting a murky line here but here is what I am not saying: Sleep your way to what/where you want. The reason why I am not saying this is because if you don’t believe that this is a choice you have actually made you are going to end up feeling pretty damn crappy afterwards and that’s just a bag of nuggets you don’t need. There’s a difference between using your looks because YOU know they are your added advantage and using them because “everyone else likes them”. The first comes from you. You have to validate yourself to be okay when other people’s validations are coming out their blowholes. Some people are literally rocket scientists and being that way gets what they want, other people have the shiniest, flowiest hair you have ever seen and teeth that look like God’s chiselled them. One is not better than the other, they simply have different advantages.
We just have to quit pulling others down so we can climb on top if them, especially over how they choose to use their assets. THAT is the key thing to take away here, as long as it is your choice work that. Be unapologetic for your advantages. Everyone has something they have that is working for them.
Accept it. Find Yours. Own It. And Work It.