Please Don’t Kill Yourself – Anna Akana

We can squeeze in one more
We can squeeze in one more


I’m an Anna Akana fan and I think as many people as possible should see it but it feels like cheating to just put a link here and its theme isn’t very tea friendly.

Suicide hurts those left behind. Don’t do it, please.

Death is hard enough for the living when they can blame someone else for taking away someone important from them. It’s even harder when within their grief they blame you. Death is easy for dead people because well, they don’t have to deal with anything anymore (probably not my smartest line). I am Catholic (by birth, I inherited it like I did my creepy long, skinny toes), I don’t really have a problem with the Catholic faith but no religion is perfect, I think half the test is picking something to believe in and sticking to it… but I digress, death sucks for the people left behind to death with the gap caused by you no longer being there.

I haven’t had a suicide that was that close to me really. In high school I had a friend who had made a suicide pact with another friend of hers but he decided to go it alone and she was left behind to deal with not wanting to do it without him, they weren’t dating and she had a lovely sweet boyfriend who seemed there for her and for the life of me I can’t remember why she wanted to commit suicide because her life was well… pretty damn perfect. She had the ‘normal’ issues a teenage girl would have with a Dad… she was well liked, she was so damn pretty I wanted to wear her skin for a while…yeah, I may have been slightly creepy in school.

When I was, I think, in the tenth grade, a cousin came to stay with us for a week or so, to do some school shopping before going back home. I remember hanging out with him like any other cousin but we weren’t that close really, “cousin” is used very loosely in my family… most terms for any relative is randomly chucked about, you never can be sure there is actual familial attachment when you refer to someone as an aunt or uncle, again I digress. So this cousin of mine, a few weeks after going back home had a disagreement with his father and decided to make him ‘pay’ by killing himself. He succeeded. His dad was not the same man after his son killed himself and even though there were other factors that led to his Dad’s eventual death, his suicide did not help.

In both these cases, I saw what happened after, the pieces those left behind had to put back together. For one it was the broken promise, the other it was the constant internal back and forth over what could have prevented the suicide, both different forms of betrayal.

Suicide is selfish, it is a self centred escape from whatever you think is caging you in or what you are running away from. I fear the nothing of death more than I do the misery of life because as much as I want to believe that there is a heaven waiting and a room with my name on it, I don’t believe I have earned passage into paradise. I understand the forgiving nature of God as I understand him can wash away my sin but that just makes me a clean slate, no different from that slave in the parable of the talents who didn’t multiply what his master left. We have to “do” to “earn”, that’s what I believe.  And when what you do is leave behind holes in people’s hearts because you feel your internal hole is too heavy to bare… you need to reach out to someone, anyone. Allow other people in to reel you in from drowning in yourself.

What am I trying to say… when you choose to end your life, people get hurt. If you are thinking of ending it all, chances are damnation from God isn’t going to deter you, but surely the pain and devastation you leave behind cannot be worth the empty sleep you are rushing for.

Talk to someone, try and find something that can ease the pain of what you are going through instead of passing it onto loved ones who will have no way of washing out the stain of blame that festers within their grief.

Please just watch the video and get help if you feel there’s a chance you may need it.

There’s always someone who can help, even if you can’t see them yet..

Over and Out.

6 Replies to “Please Don’t Kill Yourself – Anna Akana”

  1. I would like go disagree…
    You wanting me alive when I no longer want to be is selfish. Itz about you so you aren’t left behind to pick up pieces. People are gonna die anyway so if they choose to hasten the end what makes them more selfish than you who wants them to hang around when they no longer want to?

    I am not referring to your specifics example but in general.
    I don’t see choosing death as being any more selfish than choosing life. Not everyone wants to continue their life. Whether it me trauma or your brain chemicals just not being balanced.

    For me it’s the same as euthanasia, sometime you cannot bear the pain or the cycle that is your life any longer and choose to end it and father face what the stage of life is.

    There isn’t always someone that can help you. For some people life is the problem and they want their problem to end. Is it that much different for someone who dies by someone else’s hand or in some other way? I don’t think so, there are always “what ifs” and pieces to be picked up when someone dies.

    I am not advocating suicide here, just saying everyone is selfish, some people are alive now hurting others and they are probably better off dead, but it’s their selfish right to live and continue hurting others as a part of their life. So why can’t others have the same “selfish” right to say ‘I no longer’ want to be.

    We understand (some of us) when someone is suffering from a physical disease and they can no longer bear the pain and want to die. Itz selfish of anyone to want to keep them around just so they don’t lose them. I see that mental and emotional pain the same same way. You’ve travelled this road of treatment but your pain is not getting better and the out you see is death. Why should that become about the people you leave behind and their pain? What about your pain that you could not recover from? So you must live this unbearable life so your family doesn’t’ have to ‘be left behind to pick up the pieces” why?

    There isn’t always someone who can help. Just because you can’t physically see a dying spirit/heart/mind like you can see a dying body doesn’t ,mean the pain in an less bearable or that it can always be reversed.

    1. First: YAY, You read my blog!

      Second: Happy dance.


      Life is selfish, how we choose to live it and how we choose to end it (in those instances when we have a choice).

      I dealt with the view of those still alive because that’s who is left to deal with that particular act.

      In general, should you have been born somewhere where your parents are no longer alive and you share your life with no other living being this isnt even a debate. So… I don’t know… your pregnant mother went on a cruise, the ship sunk, she made it to a deserted island, where she died giving birth to you and somehow, you survived infancy… got to an age where you are able to rationalize that your life is worthless or it hurts you to stay alive, then there is no real quandary there, but in most real world situations. Someone is going to notice your lack enough for them to feel an impact with you choosing to kill yourself. That’s where the problem is.

      If suicide is what someone chooses for themselves, they need to understand that that choice isnt just about them. Then they should prep those they leave behind so that the “fallout” from their absence is mitigated or have a chance for enough positivity to offset them not being around anymore. Obviously I wouldn’t recommend a “I’m leaving friend’s and family seminar”, it is hard enough telling family and friends that you’re feeling things that they will most likely not understand and will most likely give advice like “just cheer up, things will get better” but there are other people that can be spoken too, these can help sort out how to make your life not hurt as much.

      With your example of euthanasia, not only does someone else help you out of your physical pain, there is a process where people close to you prepare for your death, that does not happen with suicide in most cases.

      It isnt enough to simply say that life is a problem so I am going to end it by not living, there is always an underlying “why”, that “why” needs to be dug out and dealt with and when you are in the throes of pain, you cant reach that nugget to dig out, heck, you may not even see it.

      My point here was:
      1) Death is hard for the living because they have to deal with not having you around.
      2) When your death comes by suicide, they are left with blame and guilt as well as grief.
      3) Those negative emotions they have pollute their memory of you and stunt their ability to heal the gap your death has caused.
      4) Doing that to people who love you is selfish and they have no avenue to remedy your selfish act.

      Death comes for us all, we cant change that. All we can do is leave behind something that helps those we know will feel our passing. As much as your pain feels unbearable to you, it affects those around you and they get stung by it too.

      1. They will get stung anyway. Itz not my job in this world to spare the pain of others at my expense. Why should I live in pain just so others don’t have to grieve?

        And I read your blog ALL the time! I commented on ur first post! I just don’t always comment, but I love your blog.

        1. Grieving happens anyway, you cant avoid that. All you can do is make that those left behind can move on without tainting your memory by your final act. Because that will be all that’s left behind and we are more than our own pain, no matter how big it is, visible or invisible. You cant take back death.

          Thanks for reading!

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