Posts Tagged ‘crush’

posted by on Rambling

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Image from CreateHerStock

So…

This #teacherbae thing.

Who has never had a crush on a teacher before? I for one know I have had plenty of pre-teen and adolescent crushes. Very few of them had anything to do with how the teacher was dressed, but I’m a creepy girl I’m told.

Paris Monroe is an attractive woman and has a body type that ‘attracts attention’. I remember when my curves were just starting to come in, the first thing my mother told me about them was to cover them up. Other people will have a problem with my body and I should always make sure other people aren’t offended by my presence. As a good daughter I abided by this ‘cover up rule’ even when I didn’t necessarily agree with it.

I understood that if someone did something to me because of how I looked then it was my fault for looking that way. That may not have been what my mother meant me to learn but that is burned into my brain and its going to take a lot longer for that little missile of wisdom to leave me. When I was in 9th grade, there was a teacher in another class who wore heels to work. Heels! The scandal she caused. Then it was the pencil skirts and fitted blouses. This heathenous woman was taking children’s minds off their school is what the adults around me said often. My mum was also a teacher and when you hang out in her classroom after hours they forget you are there and chat away without any filters.

Here’s the thing though, her classes passed. Young girls wanted to be as bad assery as her, young boys saw another version of what a woman could be. Why would these things be bad? Why do we feel the need to save women from themselves? If a woman chooses to wear a bodycon dress or an abaya should be up to her.

Why shouldn’t a teacher be trendy if thats what she’s passionate about? Other body types wear the same outfit without the same ‘effect’ so we need to distinguish what is appropriate and what we perceive and infer.

That’s what I would like to take away, if a woman wants to wear a shift that covers her whole shape then she should be able to. If she wants to wear a slinky number then that should be her choice too.

If she’s terrible at her job, chances are her outfits wont change that.

O&O

posted by on Rhymes Optional

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Behind Your Teeth

I hid my secrets behind your teeth
“Your heart beat drives my own”
I hid my secrets behind your teeth
“Let me go and I’m bound to fall”

You’ll never hear me speak
Of dreams I’m prepared to lose
For if I never admit it, I can pretend
That who I was, is who I am still

I tucked my secrets behind your teeth
“Your heart beat drives my own”
I tucked my secrets behind your teeth
“Let me go and I’ll not know my way home”

My need to assert myself?
Its wilting in the blaze of you
If I’m a caterpillar, then you are my cocoon
But I don’t yet know if I’m a moth or butterfly

I buried my secrets behind your teeth
“Your heart beat drives my own”
I buried my secrets behind your teeth
“My legs can no longer carry my weight alone”

There’s a part of me I’ve lost
Its stained beneath your skin
If you give it back to me
I wont know how to make it fit

I planted my secrets behind your teeth
“Your heart beat drives my own”
I planted my secrets behind your teeth
“By your side is where I belong”

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

So…

Last night while convincing myself to fall asleep (its often a debate), replaying Miley’s new video Wrecking Ball, prickles of a poem began poking about in my head. People have “opinions” on the video, I LOVE the song and the “cleanness” of the video works for me. I am putting down my love. The song speaks if you allow yourself to listen.

Now, I haven’t written any fresh poetry in ages. I think my poems dried up when my sister died but I am not entirely sure because it was something we shared. I’d just been struggling to put my feelings down on paper while I dealt with the the relationship I had with her and the kind of relationship I wish we had had. There will be a post about her one of these days but for now, its just the poem. There’s nothing else I want to add because I’m feeling “prickly” and the longer I stare at it, the more likely it is that I wont hit the publish button (even though this poem is not about her, I am not a “mushy” person and this poem is bloody mushy. Dude, I hate you so much right now, you know who you are).

Thank you Miley, for helping me find some poetry again. I don’t know how or why it happened but thank you.

Over and Out!

posted by on Imaginary Tea, Rambling

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anna akana

So…

I love characters (and people) that have something to say but don’t shove it down your throat with some kind of moral authority, add that with a quirky personality and you have my heart. Right now my major internet crush is Anna Akana, here’s her youtube page.

The video that moved me this week is here: How To Be Alone

As a child I was not a social person. I preferred my own company because it required too much effort dealing with other people and I hated small talk (still not a fan). I wanted to talk about “serious” things and other kids really didn’t, so even if I hadn’t chosen my own company, it would have been thrust upon me anyway.

One of my teachers thought I was abused at home because I was “too quiet”. My mother was grilled about my “home situation” during a PTA meeting when I was in the third grade, and afterwards asked me if I was OK (and happy). At the time I couldn’t think of why I wouldn’t be happy, everyone had problems including me but I was OK. In the end, what I took from that conversation was that I (and how I presented myself) was a problem, and I needed to fix that. My solution? Become more involved. After the third grade there wasn’t a year that I wasn’t involved in at least three extra curricular activities, in some kind of leadership role and smiled while doing it. Thing is though, I would much rather have just gone home early, read a book or written some story about something that was vaguely true and been internally satisfied. Instead I saddled myself with a perpetual people pleasing that I still struggle with. All because third graders are supposed to be noisy.

I only started fighting my people pleasing ways in university. Which isn’t really a good time to be fighting what defines you and led to my degree taking place at two universities and took twice as long to complete. Not fun when everyone has you pegged as an over achiever, so in the end, you appear to be a failure.

Letting other people’s observations become your reality is guaranteed to keep you wrapped in unhappiness. I really just should have learned how to express my desire for alone time instead of pretend I didn’t engage in it (if that doesn’t sound suggestive)…Obviously not in third grade but after then, instead of devising more methods to prove how social I was when I would rather not have been.

Over and Out!

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