It’s been a while.
Sorry for neglecting my cyber turf yet again. I’ve been trying to sort out what kind of person I want to be in the real world. Since I’ve basically hinted at my people pleasing and general professional dissatisfaction I won’t rehash it.
Today I took a step I started to believe I would never take. I hit publish (for a pre-order), tying me down to delivering a finished product at least 3 days before my birthday.
Here’s the thing, the older you get, the more rational your choices have to become. You have to do responsible things like buy a house and have health insurance. All great things but they lull you into a false sense of security.
I have one friend who’s health hasn’t been great and although I don’t tell her often it makes me think of my own death,of what I will leave behind when I’m gone and so far that feels like a hunking slab of nothing which is depressing. I have another friend who’s having trouble making a connection with her boyfriend after a whole bunch of misunderstandings and (because I’m a self centres person) I have to look at my own life and ask if I’m being the most positive version of myself in my relationship and the answer is ‘I could do better’.
Why am I saying all this?
We forget that we all have our own paths to follow and while one friend may travel the world on a regular basis and I consider that one of my ultimate goals in life,that’s not my lot now and that’s okay.
There’s always a struggle that the next person is going through and sometimes we are close enough to know what that is and others we aren’t.
I believe that we learn what we can from the people around us and use the lesson for whatever it’s purpose is. If jealousy drives you to achieve more, have at it! If it makes you start slashing your wrists then you have to take a step up. Life should ‘grow’ you and not diminish you.
Cut out everything that makes you smaller and nurture only that which makes you bigger.