This is…

 Own What You Need to Do
Own What You Need to Do

 

So….

This year has not been great for updating my wee patch of virtual garden space. If this was an attempt at regular writing practice, I have failed dismally!

Its NaNoWriMo month! According to my profile I have been a participant/member for 6 years… I hadn’t realised I had 6 years worth of not producing that was publically viewable! *Cringe*

NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month (or NaNo) and the aim is to write 50,000 words in 30 days. On it’s own that’s not really RAH-RAH worthy but it does become exciting because of the support network created during that time. A bunch of strangers all striving for the same goal, cheering each other on when there’s a dip, celebrating success. It’s what good stories are made of! Pun totally intended.

I’m not generally a people person so I have never really taken part in the “community” aspect of NaNo but I can’t help wondering, perhaps that is why I have never ‘won’ a NaNo. Granted that could also be because I was too lazy, didn’t have an idea worthy of 50,000 words or just plain didn’t want it enough but you know… who’s counting?

In the past six months I’ve set lofty ambitions of what next year will look like. I know in my gut where my heart lies but the freakin’ fear monster keeps me trapped in the safety of my own discomfort. I want to rock the bloody boat I’m sailing but I’m terrified of sinking.

A friend of mine is considering becoming a housewife. Got me thinking: is that what I’d like for myself? My heart says no, I need something “other” than raising children and maintaining a home (as if those aren’t demanding enough), but I want to ACHIEVE something that will remain behind. Something that carries my name or whatever version of it I choose to put out. You could easily say children do that but the little people you make become their own people. You are only their custodian until they figure out they make who they are. You can plant an acorn seed in the ground and nurture it till your grandkids make out under it but you are not that tree.

I have another friend who tells me to enjoy the life I’m living and not focus so much on wanting more because I’ll just make myself miserable… I get that and acknowledge I am pretty bloody blessed but I want more.

I want to outlast the life I’m living, who else has that feeling?

Anywho, I’m just letting the few of you left on this desert patch that I’m still alive and plotting global domination. Starting first with slaying my fear monster!

O&O

Touching Base and NaNoWriMo

 I just really like the picture. Check out the artist's other work"
I just really like the picture.
Check out the artist’s other work

So…

November already? Where did time fly away to? In my part of the world, Halloween isn’t really “a thing”. I don’t know anyone who actually has a party without knowing a foreigner planning/holding it (generally American) or a local person feeling nostalgic about the time they spent abroad (again, usually in America) and wanting to re-live the ”epicness” with varying degrees of success.

It’s been a quiet two weeks on here and I have to apologise. I have not been nearly as productive as I meant to be and of course that got me down. Many things get me down, I should really kick that habit but failure sucks even if it’s the only way we learn, and I wallow before I ‘surge’. Tis my process.

Anyhow, so what’s been happening in my corner of the universe?

1)      Short Story Collection – That’s still a struggle because I keep trying to put the book together and lose sight of the stories which kind of zaps my creative abilities and convinces me that it will amount to nothing more than an idea in my head.

2)      Procrastination – I am a GRAND procrastinator. This applies to all facets of my life, if there is a delay I can do/have on anything, you betcha I will make that stick! Heck, I even procrastinated graduating.i figured I could do it later (no, not really, I graduated later because I was a terrible student at university, really terrible… that’s the only reason).

3)      Fresh Stories – I have this useful little app on my phone that I make notes of ideas that pop into my head right before I nod off and that document is getting a little long but, number two kicks in and I don’t finish anything. I may plot or just plod ideas down for something and then leave it alone to fester. This isn’t a great plan because when I go back for inspiration I think of all the things I am not doing which leads me to…

4)      Performance Anxiety – Now, most people have some kind of ambition or dream. Some are grand, some are not. But when you understand what your personal goals are and you set out to achieve them, at some point you will find yourself second guessing your abilities. Your ability to translate that desire into what you envision it can be seems further that you think you are able to go. When this happens you need to find the joy.

5)      Assignment: Finding the Joy – You need to re-discover why that goal is important to you. My happiest moments are when I create something from nothing. I don’t yet have a process for how to regularly churn out my work and reading other people’s methods cripples me because of all the excuses I come up with at the time.

So, how am I going to find my joy? As it needs to link back to my writing I will be doing NaNoWriMo this year. I have never finished it successfully and only really tried to twice but this year my goal is to enjoy the process.

I will be writing about three friends who re-unite at a school re-union and try to reconnect while dealing with their own disappointments and accepting who they are now versus who they thought they would be then. This will  probably will never see the light of day but it will help me bring the fun back to my process. It is tentatively titled “My Skirt Wasn’t That Long”. If it isn’t too terrible perhaps in the future I’ll make some snippets available here. But I really don’t expect that to happen…

So, if anyone reading this is also doing this, check me out here

That’s it for now.

Over and Out!